help?

“All their “helpful” comments imply that if I’d only do _____, my problems would be solved. Like it’s all within my grasp, able to be managed and mastered, if only I would try harder, longer, better. As I nod my head in polite and pathetic appreciation for their input, I scream inside, “Shut up. Shut up. Unless you’ve been lost in this particular section of hell yourself, don’t you dare try to give me directions.”
- Martha Manning, Undercurrents: A Life Beneath the Surface

Have you been there? Because I have. So many times people will try to be helpful, but all they do is make you feel more stupid, more lost, more helpless, more…

I don’t really know how to combat this. When people are hurting it is our nature to want to help. But what does REAL help even look like? How can you reach out to a friend you know is hurting without making them feel inferior? I really think there is only one answer…

Listen.

Be an ear to hear all the crap they are going through. Be the one that allows them to mind vomit all over you…for as long as it takes for the healing to begin. If you’re a talker (like me) this is the most difficult part of friendship. The time where you can’t share ideas, insight, solutions…the time where you just have to be present.

If you’re going through a hard time (or have been fairly recently through one), what are your thoughts? What helped you? What do you wish your best friend said/did that they didn’t do? What did your best friend do the right way? The wrong way?

I know we are all different, we all coupe with our problems in a different way. I think we are all similar, though, in our need for relationships and true friends.

I’ve been here many a time. Broken to the point of no return. Now, I’m on the other side of the friendship, and I’m at a loss…

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